33.1

Hari ni, aku da 33.1. Dapat few well wishes via sms dari kawan lama dan baru. my bros and ada lagi yang aku sendiri tak kenal. Ada wishes pun macam tak ikhlas. Baik simpan je sms tu, anyway, thx all for the wishes! :))

Semalam plak, dari pagi sampai tengahari ok. Semua kat office pun seems ok. But bila balik rumah dengan kerja2 renovations going on, things started to go wrong. Dengan rangka pintu baru yg tak cantik and few more things yg pisses me off.

Aku pun dah malas nak fikir, so gi dinner at Pizza Hut @ Wangsa Maju. Pun tak go as plan, bla bla bla la. Kira2nya whole yesterday evening sucks.

Aku balik awal and head to bed. Take all the troubles day into my dream. Harap2 esok things will get better :)

Hari Lahir

33 years ago, at this very day, about 5.23pm, Im pretty sure I cried for the first time. Well, most babies nangis masa lahir nangis kan! Mostly! ;) Im sure masa lahir tu kaki pun tertendang-tendang. Pity takde baby photo to share with.Now, Im still kicking a bit here n there la. Tak boleh nak angkat kaki sangat. Go figure!

Life wise, its been good! Occasionally with back pain n migraine. Dats not too bad I guess :) Work wise, bigger challenge ahead. Lots of opportunities provided with greater strength to push de business plan ahead n surely worth going for. After all, got more bills to pay these day!

Family wise, no comment! :@ Social wise, CNN! errr is it relevant??

Since its my b'day, just hope for the best and many happy returns for the coming years. Wish me well k !! ;)

Horoscope For The Day

The Bottom Line

The warmth you feel from friends will keep you in a very jovial mood today.

In Detail

If a blur of social obligations is working on your last nerve, get some alone time today. Treat yourself to a quiet dinner out, or rent your favorite movie and just chill. It's not selfish to want to be by yourself ... it's healthy. Social hound friends may not understand this inward phase you're going through, but they will accept it. Be honest with your needs (like you always are), and as long as you keep your people in the loop, they'll be cool with your conduct.

Kematian itu pasti

Pergi kubur atuk n nenek recently. Dah lebih kurang 5 tahun lebih tak "melawat". At first, kinda difficult to find the spots, tapi jumpa gak. Mann pun ikut sama cos visit kubur atuknya kat situ. Both kubur atuk and nenek seems terjaga. I guess my cousin ada datang jengok. Maybe raya nanti datang lagi and bersihkan mana yang patut, hopefully after sembahyang raya. If not pun bila ada peluang.

Both atuk n nenek dah lama pergi, especially atuk. Ingatan pada nenek segar lagi. Got to know her well before dia meninggal. I remember masa nenek past away. Nangis bagai nak rak kat hospital and masa jenazahnya tiba di rumah my parents.

Bila sampai waktu dan ketika, orang yang tersayang juga akan pergi. Sudah bersediakah kita melalui hidup tanpa mereka atau munkin kita pergi meninggalkan mereka dahulu?? Kehidupan dan kematian itu pasti. Its a journey most of us will take and God knows when and how.

Trustworthy

Trust is a delicate word. Usually describe good will and gesture. Yet, deceiving sometimes. Such that could break up any form of understanding and good faith.

Trust require time, effort and by sharing our mind with open heart. Be trustworthy in order to gain trust. By not merely saying, but with action which speaks louder than words. No trust is worth giving unless its proven.

Having it, makes us worthy as human being. Lets protect and embrace it. Loose it, and we shall never gain it back. No matter how hard we try.

Hidup tak sempurna

Satu ketika, aku berjanji pada diri ku agar berwaspada. Nekad untuk meneruskan impian baru. Walau apa jua yang datang. Aku tidak akan berserah.

Namun, satu ketika, ia menjenguk pintu hati. Aku terima dengan penuh gusar. Ku biarkan perasaanku terjerat lagi. Aku percaya tanpa ragu dan sangsi. Tanpa nyata, aku berkhayal penuh kegembiraan.

Kini aku tertanya-tanya. Telah ku cuba mengikut arus. Tidak pula ku menentang deras yang mencabar. Janji ku tidak di kota. Aku telah berserah. Mengharungi satu persimpangan. Melewati siang dan malam. Mengorak langkah yang kian kali semakin sukar.

Tangisan jiwa ku meronta. Aku keseorangan lagi, meniti hidup yang tak sempurna.

Breaking Fast

I was at my mom's for breaking fast. Mom seems tired but with the new haircut but no further comment la. As usual, she cooked a lot and her cook is always the best. Hefty dinner there. Ikan masak kicap, sayur kangkung and sotong, hmmm deliciousssss!

I guess we all getting older now and berbuka puasa there tak macam dulu. But seronok tengok anak2 saudara yang buka puasa. They seems happy! Not sure tu puasa penuh ke tak ;) Paling best tengok bila Kakak a.k.a Batriesha makan, slow and surely abis! Akemok sat at the head of the table, the next MD for sure! The rest of gang seems to do their own business!

Tradition has changed. Generasi pun dah bersilih. Berbuka seems perkara biasa, bukan luar biasa. Makan dan minum sekadar menghilangkan lapar dan dahaga and for us to enjoy great moment of togetherness and gratefulness. Alhamdullillah :)

Priority

I'm having trouble to elaborate this particular word further. How much, what, who or why do we need to prioritize? Are we not sensitive enough about certain things or perhaps over do it?

Does it make our life better? How to prioritize, equally and smartly? Would it hurt those that we cared most? Are we not giving our best at times, and GOD knows how much we have!! Are we not getting the same in return? Are they doing their utmost effort to do the same? Are we in their priority list? 1st? 2nd? 3rd? OH SHIT!! Last perhaps??

Well, whats on earth could make other realize that we got to give in order to take. It's 2 f@#*%ing way! Frankly, I'm writing this with anger, agony, pain n grief, thats pretty much the same word isn't it?? DUHHH :))

F*#@%^

10th day of Ramadhan, and it's the worst weekday ever! So f*#@%^ UP!

Being A Scorpio

It's the sign of the "oldest souls". Scorpios are the most profound and powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm, there is an intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. With tranquil and watchful composure, lies a strong, magnetic personality. Pleasant to be with and thoughtful, dignified and reserved, yet affable and courteous, even sometimes posses penetrating eyes.

Scorpios have intense and dramatic personal relationships. Passion, desire and power go hand in hand. Once they find true love, they can be the most faithful and dedicated partners. Don't treat them badly as you are likely to find that they will never forget or easily forgive.

Often found to be wise beyond the average and beyond their years. Often known to know all the answers, but sometimes, they too have difficulty finding the need to develop their own happiness.

Much to do with a Scorpio remains ever secret. Too often they say "no" when they really mean "yes". Others can often live with a Scorpio partner for years, but not really know them. They are different from all other zodiac signs. Differences that make them walk, work and love to a different beat.

Dare to meet one? ;)

Troubled mind and soul

I'm not well. I'm sick. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally tired. Yet, no one seems to notice. Yes, sadly no one. Sometimes it's just hard to accept that fact.

As I'm trying hard to get some sleep, my heart and mind are restless and body is aching. I just can't sleep. I don't tell much about these to others. Not even to the closes one. It's been like that for the past few years. I tend to keep everything to myself. Not burdening the rest with details.

It's to HIM that I usually turn to and hope things will get better. Can't take it sometimes, but thats just the way things are I guess. At the moment, I'm just by myself with troubled mind and soul.

Ramadhan

It’s Sunday and the 4th day of Ramadhan. Mann called around 5am to kejutkan sahur. I usually minum air. Teringkat masa kat Keramat, mom kejutkan about waktu yang sama. She would panaskan lauk, usually rendang that she prepared during eve of Ramadhan. Sometime with sardin and telur goreng, hmmm tempted betul! And bau rendang at 5 AM is seriously, nak nangis!! Dad selalu yang last bangun.

It’s been 3 years or so now. I've been bersahur or even berbuka mostly by myself. Persiapan rather modest. Nothing much. Makan apa yang ada. After all its rezeki. It’s just another day of fasting. So, sahur cukup sekadar minum. Berbuka, cukup sekadar untuk seorang. Its not good to membazir right? ;)

Meaningful Song

Yakinkah ku berdiri, di hempa tanpa tepi, bolehkah aku mendengarmu...terkubur dalam emosi, tanpa bisa bersembunyi, aku dan nafasku merindukanmu...terpuruk ku di sini, terangi dia yang sepi, dan ku tahu pasti kau menemani...

dalam hidupku kesendirianku...teringat ku teringat, pada janjimu ku terikat, hanya sekejap ku berdiri, kulakukan sepenuh hati... peduli ku peduli, siang dan malam yang berganti, pedihku ini tak ada arti, jika kaulah sandaran hati... kaulah sandaran hati... sandaran hati...

inikah yang kau mau, benarkah ini jalanmu, hanyalah engkau yang ku tuju, pegang erat tanganku, bimbing langkah kakiku, aku hilang arah tanpa hadirmu, dalam gelapnya malam hariku...

Yes or No?

Are we being too nice by saying YES all the time?? Or perhaps we could say NO sometimes?? Can't we breakaway from that circle of Yes Sir! Yes Sir! or Yes Madam! syndrome?? Worst case scenario if we compromise??

Perhaps its best to understand each other well before any conclusion. Time is essential in making decision, both in life and work. Respect the decision made and hope its beneficial. Then, perhaps we could achieve greater result in task or work given.

If wrong decision is made, well, we just have to deal with it. Pointing fingers won't help. Accept our mistakes and apologize. Get a solution. Work things out. IMPROVISE!! Make the best out of every difficult situation.

It takes two to tango, but takes one to stop, so is it YES or NO?? ;)

Tooth ache!!

Having tooth ache at 33 really sucks! seriously!!

Dumb & Dumber!

Well, its just another stupid day dealing with stupid people. Sepuluh kali nasihat pun, they remains stupid. Undeniably stupid! Very stupid! Can we change these stupid mind & attitude? Yes and no. It takes both way. If its one way, nothing will change.We can show, teach, guide and bla bla bla, but if masuk telinga kiri, keluar kanan, means, they will remain stupid as ever. Gee, how many times have I mentioned the word stupid? Hmmm, should use dumb & dumber instead!! Duhhhhh :P

Fireworks @ work!!

Its MERDEKA spirit! From every corner of KL and through out Klang Valley. A moment where everybody looks at the skies and say, its a bird!! its a plane!! NO! NO! its!! NOOOO, not even that guy wearing red spender!! its FIREWORKS LA!!!!

Yes, fireworks at work! Like my sister said last week, there's ahhhhh!! uuuhhhh!! oohhhh!! wahhhhh!! well, all sort of sounds la beside the firework itself!

Anyway, that was yesterday. I was at home resting in bed and trying to get some sleep. But today is the Independence Day. Parades, musical, dancing, events, bla bla bla. Go and watch TV and you'll know everything k!

I'm in the office now going through some work and design with graphics section. Trying out my new chair with back support! Very comfy! and, well, brb ;)

Reality Check

In life, it means our sense of our own value and importance. Though, others may have their interpretation. What matter is, everybody has it, regardless of age, race, or religion. We are all separate but equally and uniquely created with egos.

Well, I too have my own degree of ego. The fact remains. My principles, believes and faith. The importance to bring out the best of myself in everything I do. To my family and friends, associates and even in my relationship. I believe in respect and honor. To love and care, to give and to get. To that extend that seems offensive to others.

We all have our sins and mistakes. Life has been and will be a long journey and bumpy road ahead. Whenever we fall, we shall rise. The deeper it gets, the higher we rise. Only then, we shall cherish and protect what we value most.

And I will never stop believing. Whenever things go wrong, I'll come back to my senses and get a reality check.

A gloomy day

Mann is not well. I called early to check on him. He doesn't talk much when he's not well. Told him to take some medicine and buzz me if he need anything.

My sister was rushed to the hospital yesterday evening due to asthma. Everybody starts calling me to check on her condition. She's home resting now.

I had a bad headache myself yesterday. Carik tiger balm n sapu kat kepala. And try to get some sleep.

I guess sickness is just a way of telling us to take better care of ourself. Tak boleh nak overstressed or overworked.. Have to ease and relax whenever we could.

Sleepy Mode

Hmmm, it's noon and I'm very, very seriously very sleepy. I woke up at 4am, and couldn't sleep back till 6. Called mann at work this morning. He doesn't sound well. Will call to check if he's ok or not later. My lunch meeting has been postponed. I'll probably go home early and get some sleep. Or else, I'll paint my room. Bought all the stuffs last week. Couldn't think much. Brain too tired la, z z z z z z z z damn! I'm sleepy!!

News from the past

Yesterday, old buddies rang me up. Dah lama tak dengar dari diorang ni and macam tak percaya pun ada. Both are married. Ehsan is going to be a dad soon and Erin got 2 kids dah. I never got the chances to attend both wedding tho. But I'm glad diorang called. Memang rindu dengan kawan-kawan lama. The good ones of cos! Perhaps diorang busy taking care of their family etc.

I wonder what happen to the rest? Are they dead or alive? Married? Working? Jobless? Perhaps it's best to ring them up soon. Who's knows what news from the past I might get next!!

Jalan biar ke depan

Mann sent me off with his bike to my parents! Seronok plak naik motor! Siap boleh sandar !! :))

Both my eldest brother and sister are away at the moment. Leaving dad and mom at home wondering why they didn't tag along the trip. Well, most of us wonder too, *clueless*.

There, dad murung as always and mom talks about how dad this, that, bla bla bla. Well, the usual la. I walked into his room and he gave me one kind of look saying "Is not you that I'm expecting!!". So I left, joining Min at the kitchen. Gossiping about our dysfunctional family. Everybody seems to be pissed about something yesterday. Apparently, no one seems to be pleased with one another. Can't help much then. We just have to look forward and care most about our life without interfering much about the rest.

Jalan biar ke depan, right?? ;) Unless something wrong with your brain la!!Tho I'm not so sure how to relate that to my story, duhhhh. Ok, bear with me, a bit cuckoo today!

Meneruskan Idup!

Detik melewati malam. Terdengar percikan air bagaikan batu menghempas sungai. Debaran jiwa memikirkan apakah itu? Hilang seketika, lalu ketukan pintu mengejutkan dia! Si penguasa memberi salam ingin menumpang lalu. Menunaikan tanggungjawab walau pada lewat waktu.

Dia diperiksa. Ditanya dengan pekerti tentang dirinya, umur, tempat tinggal dan keluarganya. Semua dijawab dengan tenang dan telus. Lalu beredar si baju biru dan dia masih terkaku akan tentang nasib batu-batu yang menghempas sungai tadi. Kabarnya tersebar pantas. Tidak mahu diperiksa mahu pun digari.

Malam melewati pagi. Di tepian bukit, di sebalik rimbun, mahu pun di bawah kereta. Dibasahi embun dan keringat. Degupan jantung tercungap menarik nafas. Namun nasib tetap terjamin. Mencari erti rezki yang sempurna. Di bumi asing bertarung tanpa penat.

Dan pagi melewati siang. Waktu seperti sediakala. Dia dengar mereka sudah kembali. Demi sesuap nasi, jalan dan longkang menjadi tempatnya. Berjuang untuk meneruskan idup. Itulah nasib temannya, yang hanya datang dengan redha walau tanpa izin.

Few good friends

Friendship means a lot to me. It is equally important to any forms of relationship. Frankly, I don't have many good friends. I've "deleted" most of them! ;) Just keeping the good ones. Very few indeed, few with great words and big ears. Few that laugh and cry together. Few that make my day and I cherish most.

Like any other relationship, friendship does last. We just have to set the priorities right. It require sacrifices and understanding. Tho, I hardly call and say hi! That's because I'm just extremely busy with work and sometimes forgetful. It may hurt those dearly to me but I didn't mean to.

To these few good friends, 'm deeply sorry, really am.

Words kill?

We hear many things through out the day. Few which is good and bad. Some are merely words perhaps. Set of word, which was constructed to express our thought or feeling. It's tough to react if it comes from someone yang kita sayang. Things yang tak suka kita dengar. At times, even harmful and painful.

I've said plenty through out my working life. It's understood if people can easily get hurt over what I said. Worst still if things goes wrong! One can even cry over my words. Didn't mean to hurt anybody, but I'm just doing what I do best. Make sense to people and fix the problem. But that's only in work.

I tend to be more cautious in relationship. We need to take most words seriously. No jokes! But at times, we just have to ease back. Take it as part and parcel of loving someone. Words can't kill...instantly...but surely and slowly. At any given time, be mindful and thoughtful. We wouldn't want to hurt someone we love. Even if it's the last thing we do.

A wet morning??

Well, don't get me wrong. It was raining earlier k! Jalan pun basah! Had a good sleep tho. No more bad dreams. Was having breakfast with Min. Talked much about dad. What he has become and his recent behavior. Kinda difficult dealing with such old man. Mom banyak sabar! Can't blame her. That's her soul mate. She merungut sometimes and usually share it with Min or Kak Phura.

Long time ago, hmm, ni citer lama k. Mom argued with dad. She bagged her stuffs and wanted to leave and drag me along. I think It was 4 or 5 am. But it didn't happen. She remain faithful even till now. I wish dad could appreciate her more. Perhaps he does, but one could hardly sees it.

Ok! back to work. Will continue later! :)

Silent Night

Quiet and silent night. Not much going on. I'm lonely and bored. Had salad. Watched TV. Called mann but he was asleep. Left a message.

I came back early from work. Had a few discussion and then chow!! Waited for the delivery guys. Going through some ID books and color chart bla bla bla damn! I really am bored! Otak pun blank!!! arghhhh!!! Takda idea dah.

What the heck! I'll write again soon ok!

Move on and on

Dad is sick! But not dying, yet. He got lung cancer. He may die in few years from now, or even days. Who knows for sure except HIM as in GOD right?!

Dad doesn't seems to get that idea though. He's been living without fear before. Achieved many great moments! Full of stories and hope. Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be. A colorful life for sure both him and mom. She's always beside him, no matter what. She knows him too well.

Hard to say now. He seems to give up much. It's like the end of almost everything. Living live with sad stories to tell all, hmmm

Hey! we don't want to live forever too and be lonely right! NO WAY!! I for one, will make good of what life can offer. While I'm here of cos. So we all gotta live and move on, and on and on till we drop dead! ;)

Dangerous game

All need to work. No work means no money. No money means no talk. Teamwork, cooperation, understanding bla bla bla. We all rely on each other to meet objectives. Can we be selfish tho? Yes, of cos! Just don't over do it. Unless you're the boss! Well, even bosses pun sometime need to listen to others.

Rules of engagement: Be firm, decisive, approachable and attentive. Lots more , but go and buy the book ok! So hey! Listen and be heard. Don't just talk! Get opinions! Think before you do or say. Unless you are talking to errrr, yourself???

Don't make a fool of ourself. We are neither perfect nor right all the time... right? What the heck, be stupid sometimes, just not all the time! Work! work! work! Money! money! money! It's a rich man's world! hmmm, macam pernah dengar jerrrr!

Dream a little dream

Well, I had a dream, bad dream rather. Love, loyalty and betrayal. Hmmm, could make a movie out of that!! A short but terrifying dream, seriously.

Complicated, but possible. Betrayal in love is the hardest one could ever imagine. I had that experience once... and I don't plan to go through it again. Who would anyway? A long lasting loves require much effort than just simple talk. Sacrifices, tolerance, forgiving, caring, understanding, gee, the list goes on. It's endless!

One without love is like one without life. I wouldn't take this journey unless it's worth going for. A lifetime experience. And some even to die for! Trust me, it's worth it!!!

Look at our parents! They've loved each other like ages!! Even their face looks the same these day. Don't you think so?? ;) Surely they have fulfilled their pledges. Ever lasting dream... for better or for worst, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health... till death do us apart. Hmmmm, lovely indeed.

I wonder if they could ever stop loving each other? Could that happen? Well, GOD knows. I for one don't.

Saving Up

Had an early day today. Went to IKEA with mann to get some stuffs. Damn this place is getting bigger and bigger!! Or is it just me getting older and tired?? Besar sangat sampai kaki sakit nak jalan! Bought a few stuffs. Spend a few ringgit. And guess what??!! Bought LCD and Home Theather too!! Well not at IKEA la. But next door rather.

The ability to spend seems rather high these day. I'm grateful for what GOD gave. Theres a limit to tho over what we have and can do. Gotta make the best of everything and only if it's possible. Don't overspend for sure. Mom and dad always said. Berjimat! Menabung! Menyimpan! Though sounds like bank advertisement, its among the best advise I ever got.

During my childhood, dad bought me a tabung batu. You know! Something with animal or even fruits figurine. Penuh then boleh pecah! And the habit sampai ke tua. Still menabung till now. Something than nothing right?? Kudos to them!

Still in bed

Well, yes!! I'm still in bed. But just had my shower. Fresh but lazy! Sms'ed and replied. Glad in a way, but much concerns still. Guess its hard being me. Cant think of someone is as hard headed as me.

But again, after what I went through. I think its fair enough to be what I am now. Terlalu berlembut, people pijak kepala. Terlalu berkeras, people think you are a control freak! Being in the middle shows uncertainties. So where would one be then???

Yesterday night, when I was at my mom, she asked. Are you ok?? Ada masalah ke?? but told her that I'm ok. Though she seems to know and understand better. I hesitate to share much of my problem with her. Not that I'm not comfortable, but I rather keep it silence.

Cant expect others to understand our problems all the time. We just have to blend and follow the flow. Deras or tenang, life is a big rollercoaster. Just have to break, once in a while.

Believe these.. live by the day n hope for tomorrow. To be or not to be. Do or died. Yes or no. Courage than coward. Forward than backward. Higher than lower. AND NO HANKY PANKY!!!

Not saying that it would make our life better. But it surely make me stronger.

Waking Up

Its morning in KL and seems another good weather. I'm still in bed. Malas nak bangun. Still covering myself with blanket. Kepala still blank as usual. Trying hard to figure what is for the next hour or even minute.

It has been a busy week at work. Listening to the guys talking over the walkie talkie. Seems another busy day over at the sites. Today, one of them is getting married. Tho terasa nak makan nasi minyak, kena diet sikit. A day of nasi minyak is like a whole week of diet and that sucks! So I'm not going to the wedding for sure.

While doing this, mata tersengguk-sengguk. Sleepy and malas! But gotta let it out from my system. Much of things that I didn't say for the past few years. Not days!!! But years dude!!!

The high and low, up and down, bla bla bla. Macam-macam la! I've gained a few and lost many. Putting up my 33 years of perspective in just couple of minutes, errr so bear with me. But the blog will have plenty to tell and tengok mood too. Writing is not as simple as it seems. Words that best describe about life must come from within.

Nak masuk selimut balik. Tidur sekejap, then think again, argghhhhhh!!! Again???!!

Well, later then!

Can't sleep!

Well, it's past midnight now. I can't sleep. Just can't. Guess I've been thinking too much lately. About work, life, love, friends, family, geee gotta take a break soon.

Work's fine, just too much sometimes. Even life can be depressing too, but hey! nothing is fair right? The rest, i'll keep it to myself at the moment. Tho mengganggu minda, i'll just bawak ke tidur la. Kepala pun makin berat thinking such.

Went over my parents few hours back. Dad pun seems moody. He didn't say much tho. Mom pun quiet. but she cooked a lot today. So I had my dinner there. Min, Sue, Kak Phura, Abg Mail and the bunch are around too. So tak la bosan sangat thinking about life. Big brother pun ada. And as always, him being him, a JACKASS!

Anyway, I was playing around with akemok most of the time. His mom bought him MP3 and he's only 2 years old. Go figure! He looks cute while listening to it. Fokus gilerrr! Hoping for a better day tomorrow cos I'm getting a new bed set. Hopefully by noon. Plan to cook something. But tengok selera la!